Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
