Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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