You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Can I color on your dick again?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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