That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
