Taylor Swift is so right about you.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Barsexuality is the new black.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
