I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
