Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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