Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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