I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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