Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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