I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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