My liver just broke up with me...
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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