My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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