Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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