mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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