I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
