is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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