Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
