i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
