No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Even my vagina gasped.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
