Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
