Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
