No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
