Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Found your dick twin last night
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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