FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
whose parrot is this?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
