I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
