Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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