physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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