i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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