question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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