No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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