We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
