is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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