I want to make a zoo with you.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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