Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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