im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
