I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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