Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
