I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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