i jhust puked up my retainher.
People in love make me want to vomit
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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