and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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