Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
i think my cat just said my name.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
May the power of my ass compel you!!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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