He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
