Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
