Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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