I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
They have beer where we have blood.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
