Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
