Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
