Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
