you guys were way drunker than both of me
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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