This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
