I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
