somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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