apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
