I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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