I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
