Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
