On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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