there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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