so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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