i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
