They should really pass out barf bags in church
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
