are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
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