i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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